Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter!
Don't you hate that awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents!
Remember, at Christmas time it's not how big your tree is, or what's under it. It's who's around it that counts!
Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store….
The two most joyous times of the year are Christmas morning and the end of school.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Clement Clark Moore
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.
The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.”
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for twenty minutes.
There is nothing as mean as giving a child something useful for Christmas!
The Holidays are the one time you get to experience all the excitement of rush hour traffic in the mall parking lot.
This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.
Keep you friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for your major purchases.
On Saint Patrick's Day I pretend to be Irish. At Christmas I pretend to be good.